Blogaholics Anonymous
For some reason, i have this overwhelming desire to blog, but its not like its a way to express myself. Its more like a way to get affirmation or recognition - if only from myself (how wonky does that sound). Like when I post something I keep going back and looking at it, yes, half to see if someone has left a comment, but also just to look at it again. I s'pose in one sense its normal, in that its what I do with my artwork, look and look and look - even when its finished. But I dunno how much is just pride and how much is actually about enjoying what I've made, or what has made its way out of the murky depths of my creative pit.
I don't feel like I have any ideas. I don't feel very artistic or very skilled esp. when I see what other people out there are doing - which all makes for a large dose of irritation when I have such a strong desire to produce still. I don't know if I do it for me, you, Him or some tangled combination of all of the above, with a sprinkling of psychological junk on the top. Sometimes I wonder if I complicate all this too much. Too much finking.
One thing I've realised (and I may have been saying this for the past 3 years) is that I've lost the ability to recognise events in my every day life and reproduce them as paintings/art works. I used to do this a lot and think I need to start doing it again. I don't think its too unrealistic to try to capture something from each day in a few words, with the hope of later turning it into a piece of art, so today's would be...
my dream last night. of being in art school, only not enrolled and wanting to be, wondering if it would help me. cycling with oliver, talking about art school and the arts, him knowing his way through london, us being late and me messing up, swerving all over, thinking we were somewhere we weren't (a building with pineapples in the architecture) and getting stuck waiting in a lift while he cycled up a pole and made it before me.
or
the feeling of my headache being so full, so pressured, also the 'close' weather and waiting for a storm that didn't come. green sky. half a heart wanting what i shouldn't and the other half fighting the wanting. Not doing any work all day.
think that'll do... for now...hopefully just for now.
I don't feel like I have any ideas. I don't feel very artistic or very skilled esp. when I see what other people out there are doing - which all makes for a large dose of irritation when I have such a strong desire to produce still. I don't know if I do it for me, you, Him or some tangled combination of all of the above, with a sprinkling of psychological junk on the top. Sometimes I wonder if I complicate all this too much. Too much finking.
One thing I've realised (and I may have been saying this for the past 3 years) is that I've lost the ability to recognise events in my every day life and reproduce them as paintings/art works. I used to do this a lot and think I need to start doing it again. I don't think its too unrealistic to try to capture something from each day in a few words, with the hope of later turning it into a piece of art, so today's would be...
my dream last night. of being in art school, only not enrolled and wanting to be, wondering if it would help me. cycling with oliver, talking about art school and the arts, him knowing his way through london, us being late and me messing up, swerving all over, thinking we were somewhere we weren't (a building with pineapples in the architecture) and getting stuck waiting in a lift while he cycled up a pole and made it before me.
or
the feeling of my headache being so full, so pressured, also the 'close' weather and waiting for a storm that didn't come. green sky. half a heart wanting what i shouldn't and the other half fighting the wanting. Not doing any work all day.
think that'll do... for now...hopefully just for now.
2 comments:
I'm so glad you blog - even if only for you ;D
Every body 'facebooks' and seems to have lost the art.
I'm surprised to see how much you've blogged lately though, I feel like I missed out. I've been so busy with all my work I haven't even had a chance to look for a while... now I can, I see I fell behind - a nice surprise really.
Be well Michael.
x
rich, melodious strains of heavens music that i want to hear! i have so much work to do today but this is more important! for a little while at least i have to look and catch up with my besy friend! i don't know how it ever happened that my best friend lives so bliinkin far away! except that in the perfection that is our Father He deisigned all that is good and useful and challenging in our lives. i didn't realize that you aren't getting mails of the posting that i have put ere so i;m gonna put a note on yer newest blog so you can check all these insignificatn ramblings of a yank.
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