Thaw-ts

So, I've had at least two requests for more info on my thoughts, decisions, choices for the future following the course and presuming there could be at least one other person interested, I thought I'd publicly share them. They aren't really arranged in a particular way, they're more just my pros and cons, you can decide which is which.

I think I changed my mind every day, I mean changed between thinking art therapy was for me, then deciding it wasn't. Actually I think I swayed backwards and forwards several times in each session and by the end I still can't say for sure, but there are a few things I realised (and am probably repeating what I've already written) but they will hopefully guide me in my search.

Possibly the most liberating and pleasing thing I learned was although there are certain principles which are taught on the course and I guess form a skeleton of how therapy should be carried out, the fact is (or appears to be) that it's a creative process carried out by creative people and will consequently take a variety of forms, tailored to the therapist's own personality and expression.

I guess this matters to me because one of the things that I was (am) concerned about was (is) the fact that I'm really not that bothered about psychology. I mean I do think its very interesting, but its not something I would read about or research. We were given quite a few articles and papers and there were whole paragraphs that I didn't understand or really have a desire to think about. I talked about this to the bloke on the course who was already a psychotherapist. I said it felt like doing maths - he said he knew what I meant. I wonder though if it would be different when you have a have a real live person in front of you instead of just a mind, a theoretical mind at that.

Following from that I liked the concept of therapy being a relationship. And even that its ok not to like everybody all the time - it doesn't mean I'd be bad at it if I struggled to connect, cos you can use all those kind of thoughts to understand the person (and yourself) and even monitor progress (like the lady who said when she starts to like them she knows something has changed in them or her).

Although we got quite a lot of information, looked at case studies, talked about images etc, in a sense it was really all theory. Without an actual person looking back, speaking, moving, it was all a bit detached and felt like a whole area was missing and couldn't be understood or experienced until 'on the job'. I would also have liked to see how things practically worked because something that intrigues/worries me is when and how to maintain a distance from the client, or at least keep yourself from influencing the situation, while developing a relationship. I'm not sure that can be taught either. I often thought I'd struggle with not being able to 'help' people to see things that I considered they should and would also find it hard not being able to spout off which is something I enjoy.

Then there's the people. I really don't know if I could work with people who are so damaged, but then again there was the definite sense that you are part of a team and I guess you wouldn't be with people who are dangerous or really in a mess. Again, I think I'd only know by experiencing it and you do get to choose which field you want to work in and even train in.

I don't know if I'm 'grown up' enough. I can't imagine being that confident/responsible, then again, it also probably comes with experience and I think when you're in a particular role people accept it without question. I also don't know if I could be assertive enough to be in control of sessions where kids/people start pushing boundaries. Some of the articles talked about kids behaving like dogs or pouring paint on the carpet and cutting stuff up that they shouldn't and I was just thinking that I would want to slap them about, not patiently turn the situation around the way the writers of the articles had.

The whole art thing. I do have this snobbery thing about art. For some reason I want the Art therapist's art to be good, and from the stuff I've seen so far, well the people on this course and the day at Newcastle, they haven't been very talented, in my opinion (I'm talking about the people wanting to train rather than the ones qualified). I'm not too sure why this bothers me. I don't know if its cos I still want to think of myself as an artist and if I'm choosing a profession which is not very artistic it somehow feels like I'm selling out (if that makes sense). The website/publicity of the British Association of Art Therapists is really awful, like a kid did it and I wonder how they can not notice or be bothered by it, and for some reason I find that worrying. Having said that, it really shouldn't matter to me, cos I can still be a brilliant artist! even if they're all crap. Like I said, it just seems to cheapen the whole thing for me - can't quite explain. Having said that, I've had so much difficulty over the years just trying to make my own art work that I also wonder if I'm not really supposed to be an artist anyway, and therefore a profession like this would not be selling out at all.

So, apart from the course, I just loved being in a city. In case you hadn't noticed, I loved walking to the course and just the buzz of the commute (of course the weather helped too). I also really enjoyed being a student, if only for a very short time, but it really made me want to study. Collectively all this made me think that I do really want to study something and if art therapy doesn't work out, then something else. I guess it just gave me a broader outlook in general. So, I'd already applied for Derby and will probably apply to Sheffield too, mainly because its easier to get to.

Since beginning to write this, I received an email inviting me to an interview in Derby on 3rd Feb. Its exciting and a little worrying, but good that its soon, so I may get some answers before too long..... I'll let yer know.