Update on Update No. 5
Just wanted to let you know the latest with regard to my placement. In update no. 5 I mentioned I had an interview at a national mental health charity. They basically offer free counselling and various groups for people living in the community with any mental health issue. You may remember that I had to do a presentation, and despite a lack of any client work had to tell them about my philosphy in regards to therapy and my way of working. I was pretty nervous before hand, because it all sounded a bit official, but as God would have it, it all worked out well. I felt like I answered all their questions and wowed them with my presentation (don't think they were expecting a laptop!) and the next day they offered me the placement. Twice now they've told me that they were very impressed and they seem to have complete confidence in me to lead this art group, despite the fact that I don't know what to do with them! Last week I went in to discuss doing some individual work, which meant having a look at the people on their waiting list and deciding who I wanted to see. Thankfully, my supervisor made a point of looking for the least 'at risk' people for me and we decided on a man and a woman. It was really quite a positive and affirming experience for me. I was impressed at the professionalism of the organisation - I spose because it is based in an big old house it has quite a relaxed and easy going atmosphere and I wondered how relaxed they'd be about other stuff too, like paperwork. I guess it also felt good that they trust me so much, when I don't know if I trust myself. The only thing worrying me now is that they expect me to make decisions about my way of working when I have no idea what works really. The good thing is that I will probably have some time now to get some ideas, do some reading etc. because I can't start until I've had my induction which isn't until 4th April. I'll keep yer posted.
JOURNAL ENTRY : 25.10.2010 - TRAINING GROUP
ART MAKING SESSION
Have been concerned for a bit now about the girl’s comment re: me opening up - keeping boundaries and her flippant remark about my dream. Also found it hard to do todays ‘person who made you feel safe’ exercise, which kind of worried me. Thinking a lot about relating, being intimate etc. wondering if I will/should talk to my therapist about it. Thought about girls comments and my feelings about narrative being a source of control for me. Wanted to make an image that was less controlled, more random.
The Process:
Began using felt tips and ink. Wanted to let the medium have a certain freedom. Became very aware of still drawing or controlling where the ink went. Am also aware of ‘contaminating’ someone else’s art by being messy. Dripped colours and poured excess off the page and reapplied it. Really enjoyed just making without too much thought. Eventually ‘drew’ circular lines in black, forming a sphere from the colours behind. Used a roller to fill in the spaces. Mark making is really not as easy or as random as it sounds.
With second piece (had too much time left over from the first) coloured lines at one end of the page which reminded me of a de-frag programme on a pc. Put paper under the tap to release ink and get a more drippy abstract image. Looked a bit like tree trunks.
Reflection:
I don’t know what meaning there is behind either of these images. The only thing I was very aware of was how being ‘random’ is still not very easy. I was very much in control of drawing particular marks, and in that sense still had the same control as I would in a more figurative image. Could one be about darkness, or confusion encroaching on light/colour? The other looks kind of organic, maybe about growth or change? I dunno. Actually, thinking about my ‘ill dream’ there are elements of it in these images, the tension and confusion and mass with the light relief - maybe I didn’t see that at the time. Felt like I was confusing when I talked about it after. Also felt a bit put on the spot by J’s question re: if it reflected my feelings of frustration with art therapy - that I mentioned last week. When she asked that it somehow sounded like she wanted me to complain about the course, but I don’t think that it was what I was trying to say. I wanted to explain that to her, but didn’t like to do it in the group and so didn’t say anything.
ART MAKING SESSION
Have been concerned for a bit now about the girl’s comment re: me opening up - keeping boundaries and her flippant remark about my dream. Also found it hard to do todays ‘person who made you feel safe’ exercise, which kind of worried me. Thinking a lot about relating, being intimate etc. wondering if I will/should talk to my therapist about it. Thought about girls comments and my feelings about narrative being a source of control for me. Wanted to make an image that was less controlled, more random.
The Process:
Began using felt tips and ink. Wanted to let the medium have a certain freedom. Became very aware of still drawing or controlling where the ink went. Am also aware of ‘contaminating’ someone else’s art by being messy. Dripped colours and poured excess off the page and reapplied it. Really enjoyed just making without too much thought. Eventually ‘drew’ circular lines in black, forming a sphere from the colours behind. Used a roller to fill in the spaces. Mark making is really not as easy or as random as it sounds.
With second piece (had too much time left over from the first) coloured lines at one end of the page which reminded me of a de-frag programme on a pc. Put paper under the tap to release ink and get a more drippy abstract image. Looked a bit like tree trunks.
Reflection:
I don’t know what meaning there is behind either of these images. The only thing I was very aware of was how being ‘random’ is still not very easy. I was very much in control of drawing particular marks, and in that sense still had the same control as I would in a more figurative image. Could one be about darkness, or confusion encroaching on light/colour? The other looks kind of organic, maybe about growth or change? I dunno. Actually, thinking about my ‘ill dream’ there are elements of it in these images, the tension and confusion and mass with the light relief - maybe I didn’t see that at the time. Felt like I was confusing when I talked about it after. Also felt a bit put on the spot by J’s question re: if it reflected my feelings of frustration with art therapy - that I mentioned last week. When she asked that it somehow sounded like she wanted me to complain about the course, but I don’t think that it was what I was trying to say. I wanted to explain that to her, but didn’t like to do it in the group and so didn’t say anything.
2 comments:
One - Your placement sounds like the perfect place to start out. It's always difficult starting somewhere new and even worse when the job isn't really clearly defined. BUT. It makes a huge difference when the people you answer to have complete confidence in you and your ability. I'm sure you will do really well and in time come to understand how you can be comfortable in your role.
Second - I really love the image on the right. It reminds me of a baby bird peering out from a nest. Or being nestled in a large hive of some sort and looking at the brightly coloured (sometimes frighteningly bold) world around, from a comfortable and secure space. Perhaps a weird interpretation, but that's how it makes me feel. :D
SOOOO Excited for you! Sounds like a real blessing. It will be cool to see how things progress for you. i like reading about your struggle with control... i start thinking about the work we have done together and how that worked... maybe we should do some new collaboration. miss you.
seth
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