Working Out

Today is grey and rainy (who'd have thought). Throughout my childhood, Sundays were always depressing for me, mainly I think because my mam worked Saturday nights and so slept on sunday, which meant we had to be quiet. We weren't allowed to do anything either, watch tv, ride a bike etc. which all added to the misery (i'm exaggerating, cos it wasn't really misery, just restricting). Anyway, somewhere deep in my psyche the cloud remains over sundays (and thursdays - the other day my mam was in bed). Church too was bundled up in the package of why sundays were rubbish, and its only since coming to Capernwray that that has changed. I s'pose cos the services here don't really seem like church or maybe cos I just like going more now than I ever have before. or maybe cos its not such a contrast between that and the rest of the week (in a good way not bad).

Anyway, I didn't actually intend to write anything about church when I started this. The pictures just set me off in that direction. (they're liverpool cathedral by the way). I was actually thinking about my previous post and previous feelings, after speaking in the seminar, and I was thinking about how in the bible there are all these miracles which we read and think 'wow' (or words to that effect), but often we don't actually know how it was for the people involved. I mean, I did what I belive God wanted and he helped me, but I didn't feel great afterwards, I felt stupid. and maybe people in the bible felt like that too. Moses for example, kept telling God he couldn't do it, couldn't speak and yet God said he was the one he wanted. And Moses did what was asked of him, and we think it was all very miraculous and victorious, but maybe Moses felt like an idiot too sometimes - esp. when pharaoh's magicians could do the same 'tricks' as he was doing (or God). I suppose its obvious, but I've just never thought of it before. God doesn't take you out of you, when he uses you, cos he wants you to be you which is why he made you like you.
Not sure if its connected, but the verse, "work out your salvation with fear and trembling" comes to mind.