Katchup : All is Well?

Ok, just incase there's anyone left on the planet who still doesn't know, I suppose I should begin by saying that I have decided to study in Sheffield and not Derby, (a fact that they, Derby, seem to be unaware of, despite me telling them clearly, they insist on sending me emails from various departments inviting me to all kinds of event and activities). Anyway, yes, so Sheffield is the plan. The course starts at the end of sept which means I will work here at the Hall till the end of august then hopefully move to my new home and begin my exciting new life. Capernwray have asked me to still work for about 2 days a week, which hopefully will go some way towards paying my rent and preventing me from being utterly penniless. [Ironically, my job is one of the biggest reasons why I wanted to leave capernwray yet it looks like the one thing that is going to go on the same - I am interested to see how different it will be doing it part time and in a different environment tho.]

So, I am now in the process of packing up all my belongings and deciding where to put them all. It's quite a strange feeling, which at first was quite sad, but now, I don't feel too bad about. I suppose it just needs doing and apart from anything else, it's just quite a nice feeling having less clutter, like one big tidy up. I have the feeling that God is helping me, in the sense of stopping me from getting down about it, cos I certainly have the potential to be nostalgic and sad, but its like I get to the point where I think its going to happen...and it just doesn't. I dunno if it will all just hit me in one go as I drive away or once I'm gone, but for now its ok.

Something I am having a mild panic about is finding accommodation in Sheffield. The other weekend I went to visit a family who live in Sheffield and come here on holiday in the summer. I didn't know them at all but was told that they might be a good contact to have, so I sent them an email, and was completely bowled over by their warmth and friendliness (and that was just in their reply!). They offered to show me around and gave me the names of several churches to get in touch with, and also invited me to come and visit, which I did, as I said. Again they were friendly and generous and hospitable and really made me feel at home and also feel good about moving there. They already had 3 lodgers, 4 kids and an exchange student, otherwise they said they would have let me stay with them. They did say I could always stay with them if I couldn't find anywhere to live before my course starts, which again is really kind, but I would like to sort it out before then if poss. I've had 2 responses to my ads in the local churches. One from a family offering a bedroom, as a lodger and the other from a christian centre offering a bedsit free of charge, in return for locking up and being responsible at night. Neither are exactly what I had in mind, although at the moment I'm considering everything. The area that I'd like to live in is really quite expensive and it doesn't look like I'll be able to get much space for my money. Most of you will know, I'm a big worrier, so am finding it hard just to trust that the right thing will come along. How do I know the free one isn't the right thing...I mean its free!!...but at the same time is only one room to live, sleep, cook, work, and paint in. I think I might go potty. And you have to be there 15 nights out of every month from 8.30pm-7.00am which isn't a massive problem for a social scaredycat like myself, but I'm wondering if even church or house groups will finish by 8.30pm. I dunno. I had this dream of making art every day and being more creative and inspired - thinking that this was what I was sposed to do, who I am, but  at the moment I'm having a bit of a wobble...wondering if it's possible, or how God even works, ie. giving us what we want.

I dunno if you know the Robin Mark song, 'All is well'? I just heard it this summer and really like the melody but am finding it hard to actually sincerely sing and mean the words...

He lowers us to raise us
So we can sing His praises
Whatever is His way all is well

He makes us rich and poor
That we might trust Him more
Whatever is His way all is well

All my changes come from Him He who never changes
I'm held firm in the grasp of the Rock of all the ages

All is well with my soul
He is God in control
I know not all His plans
But I know I'm in His hands

He clothes us now then strips us
Yet with His Word equips us
Whatever is His way all is well
And though our seasons change
We still exalt His name
Whatever is His way all is well

My Mam is still really very ill, although she's at home now. I often forget how sick she is until I speak to her on the phone or go home and realise again that she's in constant pain and still can't move around very much. She's also been told that she now has some permanent hearing loss, which could be a side effect of the medication she's taking. Again it's hard to sing the words.

I'd like to quote Frederick Buechner right now (as usual), but my books are all packed away in a box 100 miles from here, so I can't properly refer to the bit I'm thinking of. Basically I think he says that sometimes we can't believe the words we are singing, or reading, the things we know might be truth in theory, but in practice are painful or costly. I think he says that we should sing them anyway, that by singing them we can turn them into a prayer, that by singing them, some 'power' can transform our hearts, can make us sincere, can make the words true.

I dunno if its right, but I spose there's only one way to find out.....from the top...after three...one...two...