And more

8th March 2002
in the library again. cold and dark. wind was blowing hard and sounded like rain on the windows. also this time was blowing down the chimney. reminded of the film 'what dreams may come' where a woman has committed suicide and lives in her broken home, so drenched in self pity that she doesn't even know she's dead or recognise her husband. imagined what it must be like to be that way, depressed. looking at all the faces again it's possible that they don't mean anything. wondered what the point is, the point of friendship, and life and being. every time I looked to see the rain, it wasn't there, only the wind - sounded more severe than it was. thought about joel's 'idea' that the wind reminded him of God - in which case, He wasn't just outside but today was in the room too, in the chimney. thought about people who are depressed, d. and m. thought about how it must seem to be only aware of the cold and dark, the loneliness and pointlessness of everything. but thought also that from the other perspective things would seem very different, God was outside and within. the storm wasn't actually as bad as it appeared and the people are only 'just faces' for as long as we want them to be - they will come off the page, become part of ourselves as soon as we let them and bring too the presence of God in a form we can understand, smile at and hold.