Critical Update No. 3
College
(above is my exciting journey. approx 25 mins walk and 10 mins tram)
So I go to college from 10.15 till 4.00 on Monday and Tuesday. Monday is 'module one' - which is anything to do with the theory and Tuesday is 'modules two and three' which are anything to do with clinical practice and context - at least that's what they say, sometimes I can't tell the difference. The days are quite similar although the people are different. The course is either 2 years full time or 3 years part time, (i'm full) which means on a monday the part and full time first years are together and on a tuesday the full time first years are with the part time second years (I struggle a bit with some of the characters in the second year - which is great cos next year I'll be with them again!). The mornings are usually a mixture of seminars, lectures, and discussions (we nearly always have to have read a paper about somink to talk about) and then both afternoons are spent in small groups. Its funny, cos I've always dreaded and ran from any situation involving a ring of plastic chairs, and now it looks like this is going to be my life!!! On mondays the group is called a 'training group' - the purpose of which, I'm still not too sure about - there's about 10 of us and we basically talk about what we're going to do, then make some art and talk more about the process, "how it felt" etc etc. Its not supposed to be therapy, but I think it is supposed to give an idea of what it feels like for the client. [Just by the way, most of my journal entries, tho not all, are about this group, as it is a course requirement to keep a record.] Then tuesday's group is called a 'supervision group'. With any kind of psychotherapy the therapist should have a supervisor, who is not necessarily their boss, but someone who they discuss their work with, in a kind of therapy-ish way. The idea being it helps you get another perspective and also helps you to separate your own junk from the clients. So this group is sort of that idea. There are about 8 of us and a mixture of people from all 3 years. In my group, only myself and one of the girls are first years who as yet haven't started our placements, the others all have clients so have something to talk about. Its actually really interesting to hear what goes on and sometimes people do case studies to give a bit more insight. I think its a good way to learn from other people's experiences, although sometimes I wish these things were a bit more practical - like at no point does anyone tell you what to actually do. Having said that, the whole ethos of the course is that you practice in the way that's right for you, according to who you are, which I think is ok as creative people, using a creative medium to do a creative job - there's just no formula. Having said that, their similar approach to the assignments has driven me to the brink of insanity. So far we've had the poster design and presentation, a 30 min group presentation and two 3500 word essays. The corresponding factor being that I haven't had a clue what was really expected of me for any of them, which has resulted in moments of monumental anxiety (no joke!). It a good job I have a personal therapist (again, no joke). It has highlighted some of my issues though, about my need for perfectionism and approval from other people, something I had no idea I struggled with. I also think that maybe this way of running the course is a way of modelling what it is like to offer therapy to someone. There is something that needs to be done, and as the therapist you have a role, but don't know what to expect or necessarily how to get it right or if its even going to do anything at all, but there comes a point where you just have to jump and see what happens. Its all very scary, but a little exciting too.
(above is my exciting journey. approx 25 mins walk and 10 mins tram)
So I go to college from 10.15 till 4.00 on Monday and Tuesday. Monday is 'module one' - which is anything to do with the theory and Tuesday is 'modules two and three' which are anything to do with clinical practice and context - at least that's what they say, sometimes I can't tell the difference. The days are quite similar although the people are different. The course is either 2 years full time or 3 years part time, (i'm full) which means on a monday the part and full time first years are together and on a tuesday the full time first years are with the part time second years (I struggle a bit with some of the characters in the second year - which is great cos next year I'll be with them again!). The mornings are usually a mixture of seminars, lectures, and discussions (we nearly always have to have read a paper about somink to talk about) and then both afternoons are spent in small groups. Its funny, cos I've always dreaded and ran from any situation involving a ring of plastic chairs, and now it looks like this is going to be my life!!! On mondays the group is called a 'training group' - the purpose of which, I'm still not too sure about - there's about 10 of us and we basically talk about what we're going to do, then make some art and talk more about the process, "how it felt" etc etc. Its not supposed to be therapy, but I think it is supposed to give an idea of what it feels like for the client. [Just by the way, most of my journal entries, tho not all, are about this group, as it is a course requirement to keep a record.] Then tuesday's group is called a 'supervision group'. With any kind of psychotherapy the therapist should have a supervisor, who is not necessarily their boss, but someone who they discuss their work with, in a kind of therapy-ish way. The idea being it helps you get another perspective and also helps you to separate your own junk from the clients. So this group is sort of that idea. There are about 8 of us and a mixture of people from all 3 years. In my group, only myself and one of the girls are first years who as yet haven't started our placements, the others all have clients so have something to talk about. Its actually really interesting to hear what goes on and sometimes people do case studies to give a bit more insight. I think its a good way to learn from other people's experiences, although sometimes I wish these things were a bit more practical - like at no point does anyone tell you what to actually do. Having said that, the whole ethos of the course is that you practice in the way that's right for you, according to who you are, which I think is ok as creative people, using a creative medium to do a creative job - there's just no formula. Having said that, their similar approach to the assignments has driven me to the brink of insanity. So far we've had the poster design and presentation, a 30 min group presentation and two 3500 word essays. The corresponding factor being that I haven't had a clue what was really expected of me for any of them, which has resulted in moments of monumental anxiety (no joke!). It a good job I have a personal therapist (again, no joke). It has highlighted some of my issues though, about my need for perfectionism and approval from other people, something I had no idea I struggled with. I also think that maybe this way of running the course is a way of modelling what it is like to offer therapy to someone. There is something that needs to be done, and as the therapist you have a role, but don't know what to expect or necessarily how to get it right or if its even going to do anything at all, but there comes a point where you just have to jump and see what happens. Its all very scary, but a little exciting too.
JOURNAL - 11.10.2010
INTRO SESSION
BEING ‘PRESENT’ EXERCISE - (Sit in silence with a partner for 5 minutes): REFLECTION
Was aware of the incredible awkwardness, embarrassment of looking into a ‘stranger’s eyes for so long. Found it very uncomfortable. There was a sense of intimacy and intensity that was hard to cope with. Was very glad I wasn’t working with another bloke, and yet was still unsure where my eyes should go, ie. where was appropriate. Was conscious of reading Adele’s t-shirt and yet was aware of my eyes lowering and wasn’t sure if it was ok to look down there. Felt like there was a certain challenge to keep the contact, it required a certain bravery to maintain it, and I found it easier when she didn’t smile. Felt like her smiling came in waves and was a way to calm the intensity. Thought about drawing her, wondered if it would be easier to see her as an object. Was aware of the clock ticking and thought about counting seconds as a way of getting it over with, knowing when it was going to end.
INTRO SESSION
BEING ‘PRESENT’ EXERCISE - (Sit in silence with a partner for 5 minutes): REFLECTION
Was aware of the incredible awkwardness, embarrassment of looking into a ‘stranger’s eyes for so long. Found it very uncomfortable. There was a sense of intimacy and intensity that was hard to cope with. Was very glad I wasn’t working with another bloke, and yet was still unsure where my eyes should go, ie. where was appropriate. Was conscious of reading Adele’s t-shirt and yet was aware of my eyes lowering and wasn’t sure if it was ok to look down there. Felt like there was a certain challenge to keep the contact, it required a certain bravery to maintain it, and I found it easier when she didn’t smile. Felt like her smiling came in waves and was a way to calm the intensity. Thought about drawing her, wondered if it would be easier to see her as an object. Was aware of the clock ticking and thought about counting seconds as a way of getting it over with, knowing when it was going to end.
TRAINING GROUP SESSION - IMAGE MAKING: REFLECTION
I was quite pleased with the two people I had to work with although felt like we found it hard to really sort out what we were going to do. Juliet and I were keen to make separate images but Paula seemed to want to make a joint piece. We ended up making separate ones, but I felt a little like we’d ganged up on her. The fact that J and I sat together opposite her added to this feeling. I was thinking of how I’d been struck by the shape of the violinist’s forearm last night at the classical concert and how I wanted to reproduce that shape/beauty somehow in my own work. We had agreed to try to respond visually somehow to each others images and I was pleased to see J draw a shape which fitted with my desire to represent the forearm. I wanted to use a different medium to before and chose inks because I thought there were plenty of premixed colours. I actually found it really hard to do what I wanted and felt very frustrated with it. Wanted to throw it away. Also felt like J and P weren’t responding to each other, or me and were just engrossed in their own images. Really find this way of working uncomfortable and yet good too. Wonder how it will progress.
1 comment:
interesting about just needing to jump in and get going. i am learning that i have to take a stand with what i believe about my work and jump in as well.. not quite there, but moving quickly. it is fun and a bit scary to grow/learn.
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