It's a blinkin' novel
So, the second thing I wanted to mention is about the workshop at the art college in Edinburgh that I went on. It was called 'Taking Time Out - Art and Prayer', which I thought sounded interesting and something I could maybe do at Capernwray, as Sue often asks me to help when she does something like that. (for anyone getting confused, I applied to this college to do a one year painting course, and thought the day workshop would be a good way to check it out and find out more). It seems like yonkies ago now. I got the train from Newcastle at 6.30am arriving at 8.20am and started walking. It was absolutely freezing and very grey and just generally a depressing kind of day. I had a vague idea where I was going, but didn't know how long it would take to get there. I started walking down a typical georgian main road and quickly realised that the further I walked from the city, the worse the street got. I also realised that it was going to be further than I'd anticipated and was glad I had an hour to get there. I came upon it all of a sudden, in a run down area, quite close to the docks. A little chapel in the shadow of the building next door, small enough to miss entirely. My first impression was that it probably wasn't very professional and not really somewhere I wanted to go - the tension from the dodgey area was also making me a little uneasy.
I was half an hour early, but decided to ring the bell anyway cos I was so cold. After signing-in and learning where the kettle was, I met the lady who would be leading the workshop. She seemed very nice and when I explained to her that I was thinking of studying there and had been told it wasn't possible to look round, she happily offered to give me a tour. The tour took all of about 3 minutes and wasn't really very inspiring, although I quite liked the feel of the place, kind of well-used and intimate. Gradually people started arriving until all seven of us were present. I was pleased that there was another lad, about 18 years old, who came with his girlfriend, both youthworkers with The Salvation Army. The others were all middle-aged ladies the oldest being in her late sixties, at a guess and she was the only one who hadn't been there before for one reason or another. We were told to sit in one of the studios which (to my horror) had a ring of chairs in the middle, arranged round a small pile of stones and unlit candles. I couldn't help but think of alcoholics anonymous and that this was going to be embarrassing and involve a lot of 'sharing'. Anyway, we all took our places and waited. The leader, who I think was called Carol had to keep getting up and answering the door cos there was another class going on upstairs, so we were forced to sit for quite long periods just looking at each other, with polite smiles. Eventually the interruptions stopped and Carol told us we'd begin by having some quiet time to 'centre' ourselves. I thought we'd had quite enough awkward quiet time already, and by this point my stomach was going berserk. (I'd had breakfast at 5.15 am and nothing since). I think I'd also forgotten that this was a meditative day, and to be honest I wasn't in the mood for meditating, I had questions and thoughts and had come seeking answers.
After an eternity of holding onto and trying to smother my growling belly, Carol told us all to choose a stone from the pile in the middle, then read a meditation as we investigated our stones. She talked about how the stone was old, older than my name (?), my home, my country, mankind, it had been there from the creation of the world, yet it was not older than God. I think the idea was to put things into perspective, here was I thinking I was the centre of the universe, holding a stone in my hand that been around so much longer than me. God had formed it, as He had formed me, dust, a vapour, 90, 100 years at the most. However, I found it hard to focus, or even bother about stuff like that, and couldn't help but think more about the 30 quid I'd spent to sit holding a daft rock with a bunch of hippies! (they weren't really).Then we had to go round the ring and say who we were, what our journey had been like to get there that day, why we had chosen our particular stone and why we had come. It was quite interesting to see who was trying to create meanings and spiritualise everything, and also who was trying to sound arty or even predict what arty tasks we would have to do, without knowing. I was just pleased to be the person who had come the furthest - like I was the most conscientious, or devout, or something! It was interesting to think about my journey - early start, nervous about making the train, wanting to enjoy the journey, but being stuck in a seat without a window, not knowing where I was going, cold and nervous, feeling alien and conspicuous in the area, disappointed at the school, etc. Then we put down our stones and lit a candle next to them while Carol read again (although didn't say what the candle was all about). Then we were told the next thing we would do was to walk a labyrinth! I had seen it marked out on the floor (in masking tape) whilst on my comprehensive tour but never dreamt it would be part of the workshop.
(Apparently a labyrinth is different to a maze in that it only has a continuous path to the centre and back out again (the same way), whereas a maze has lots of dead ends to get to the centre, and back and consequently, they use different sides of the brain. The maze using the analytical, problem solving left side, and the labyrinth using the right, creative, calming side, generating a feeling of peace. Interesting eh?)
Carol also said it would take about an hour and a half, which I couldn't believe(it was about 10 foot square, max) and once again thoughts of spending my money to follow a stupid piece of tape seemed appropriate. A bowl of water marked the entrance (something to do with baptism and the Holy Spirit, being with us on our journeys) and a candle marked the centre. We were told that the day was ours and there were no real rules. I waited till everyone else had eagerly left the room to start walking and decided to mark my stone by burning it in my candle. I accidentally snuffed out my candle, and decided I should leave things alone, as it seemed a bad sign! I washed my stone in the bowl of water and began walking with the others. It was a strange experience and I was surprised at how slow everyone was walking, like taking a step, standing for a while, taking another, waiting, etc. My first thought was that I had accidently gone wrong, as I'd just started and somehow was right in the thick of things with people in their 'lanes' round about me. The paths were close together and so it was hard to pass each other without touching, or making the other person step outside the tape. I felt strangely compelled to rigidly stay inside the lines and couldn't believe it when someone else would casually step outside them. At first I didn't like the closeness and awkwardness of passing other people, but as it went on I got to like it, like we were part of something together, a performance, or dance or something. It was also interesting to see how other people responded to what you did, waiting or moving together, or making space. By the way, this was all done in silence. There was a half way point to stop and reflect, and after first thinking it was just a way of prolonging the exercise, I decided that maybe there would be some value in stopping, at least maybe its good to stop whatever you're doing from time-to-time to think about things. I didn't know what I was really supposed to think about, so instead looked at the stained glass windows of the crucifixion that were in that end of the room. I really found it hard to pray about anything, the experience was so foreign, and there was so much going through my mind. I think the whole thing did probably take about an hour, and there was a certain pleasure in doing it, it was actually a very peaceful exercise. We later talked about it, and it was interesting how it can be used as a picture of our individual spiritual journeys. Like we know we're all on some path together, but its really difficult to compare and see who's in front or behind, and, sometimes people walk with you, and then one of you goes a different way, or someone comes the other way when you aren't expecting it and you have to sort out how to deal with it, how to still stay on your path and keep them on theirs. I think you could spiritualise it a lot if you wanted.
After that we went back to the original room and were given paint, paper, collage stuff etc. just to respond with. Here's a pic of what I came up with...
I found it hard because we weren't told anything about making the art. There was no guidance and I think I'd expected a lot more teaching/instruction. We then got together in pairs to talk about how the morning had been, then reflect on our work while Carol read another meditation about 'the stone the builders rejected'. Then we ate lunch. I realised talking to one of the ladies, that for me the whole day had been a series of contrasts eg. excitement/expectation of going, with the disappointment of the journey, and location, the reality of what the day was. The chaos of my mind with the peace of the labyrinth. The compulsion to stay in the lines with the freedom to walk right across them. The anxiety and discomfort of being physically so close to strangers with the sense of togetherness and unity of being part of the same thing. The expectation of being told what to do with the freedom to do what you pleased. I could go on but I think you get the idea. I'm sure all these things happen in normal life, but they just seemed more concentrated in one day and what came across through it all was a deep sense of peace. It was like an OK-ness at just not having any answers or things worked out.
In the afternoon Carol talked about making spaces in our lives, taking breaks and days off and holidays etc. and read a meditation about how we need the spaces. She then talked about negative spaces in art (the areas around/between the subjects of a painting) and how without them the subject doesn't exist. She then showed us slides of artworks while reading the same meditation. We were then given time again to respond with our own art. Here are mine...
We talked again in pairs, reflected on the work again and Carol finished with a blessing.
All in all not really what I was expecting and maybe not what I would have chosen if I'd known before. Interesting though, although I was quite disappointed that there wasn't more direction for the art ( I guess I was expecting a lesson) and there was no discussion about what other people had produced (I understand it's cos there's no right or wrong though, it was a response which people can't really criticise). It was probably also the reason why I didn't attribute any value to my stuff and chucked it in the bin! I had also really had a hard time concentrating on God and praying, which I'm guessing was the purpose of the thing.
I had been a bit put off with the college though and wondered if I should actually go to the interview. But, after a bit of thought and some conversations with some of you good people, I decided I should go and ask the questions I had, meet the course leader and at least it wouldn't leave me wondering what might have been.
I was half an hour early, but decided to ring the bell anyway cos I was so cold. After signing-in and learning where the kettle was, I met the lady who would be leading the workshop. She seemed very nice and when I explained to her that I was thinking of studying there and had been told it wasn't possible to look round, she happily offered to give me a tour. The tour took all of about 3 minutes and wasn't really very inspiring, although I quite liked the feel of the place, kind of well-used and intimate. Gradually people started arriving until all seven of us were present. I was pleased that there was another lad, about 18 years old, who came with his girlfriend, both youthworkers with The Salvation Army. The others were all middle-aged ladies the oldest being in her late sixties, at a guess and she was the only one who hadn't been there before for one reason or another. We were told to sit in one of the studios which (to my horror) had a ring of chairs in the middle, arranged round a small pile of stones and unlit candles. I couldn't help but think of alcoholics anonymous and that this was going to be embarrassing and involve a lot of 'sharing'. Anyway, we all took our places and waited. The leader, who I think was called Carol had to keep getting up and answering the door cos there was another class going on upstairs, so we were forced to sit for quite long periods just looking at each other, with polite smiles. Eventually the interruptions stopped and Carol told us we'd begin by having some quiet time to 'centre' ourselves. I thought we'd had quite enough awkward quiet time already, and by this point my stomach was going berserk. (I'd had breakfast at 5.15 am and nothing since). I think I'd also forgotten that this was a meditative day, and to be honest I wasn't in the mood for meditating, I had questions and thoughts and had come seeking answers.
After an eternity of holding onto and trying to smother my growling belly, Carol told us all to choose a stone from the pile in the middle, then read a meditation as we investigated our stones. She talked about how the stone was old, older than my name (?), my home, my country, mankind, it had been there from the creation of the world, yet it was not older than God. I think the idea was to put things into perspective, here was I thinking I was the centre of the universe, holding a stone in my hand that been around so much longer than me. God had formed it, as He had formed me, dust, a vapour, 90, 100 years at the most. However, I found it hard to focus, or even bother about stuff like that, and couldn't help but think more about the 30 quid I'd spent to sit holding a daft rock with a bunch of hippies! (they weren't really).Then we had to go round the ring and say who we were, what our journey had been like to get there that day, why we had chosen our particular stone and why we had come. It was quite interesting to see who was trying to create meanings and spiritualise everything, and also who was trying to sound arty or even predict what arty tasks we would have to do, without knowing. I was just pleased to be the person who had come the furthest - like I was the most conscientious, or devout, or something! It was interesting to think about my journey - early start, nervous about making the train, wanting to enjoy the journey, but being stuck in a seat without a window, not knowing where I was going, cold and nervous, feeling alien and conspicuous in the area, disappointed at the school, etc. Then we put down our stones and lit a candle next to them while Carol read again (although didn't say what the candle was all about). Then we were told the next thing we would do was to walk a labyrinth! I had seen it marked out on the floor (in masking tape) whilst on my comprehensive tour but never dreamt it would be part of the workshop.
(Apparently a labyrinth is different to a maze in that it only has a continuous path to the centre and back out again (the same way), whereas a maze has lots of dead ends to get to the centre, and back and consequently, they use different sides of the brain. The maze using the analytical, problem solving left side, and the labyrinth using the right, creative, calming side, generating a feeling of peace. Interesting eh?)
Carol also said it would take about an hour and a half, which I couldn't believe(it was about 10 foot square, max) and once again thoughts of spending my money to follow a stupid piece of tape seemed appropriate. A bowl of water marked the entrance (something to do with baptism and the Holy Spirit, being with us on our journeys) and a candle marked the centre. We were told that the day was ours and there were no real rules. I waited till everyone else had eagerly left the room to start walking and decided to mark my stone by burning it in my candle. I accidentally snuffed out my candle, and decided I should leave things alone, as it seemed a bad sign! I washed my stone in the bowl of water and began walking with the others. It was a strange experience and I was surprised at how slow everyone was walking, like taking a step, standing for a while, taking another, waiting, etc. My first thought was that I had accidently gone wrong, as I'd just started and somehow was right in the thick of things with people in their 'lanes' round about me. The paths were close together and so it was hard to pass each other without touching, or making the other person step outside the tape. I felt strangely compelled to rigidly stay inside the lines and couldn't believe it when someone else would casually step outside them. At first I didn't like the closeness and awkwardness of passing other people, but as it went on I got to like it, like we were part of something together, a performance, or dance or something. It was also interesting to see how other people responded to what you did, waiting or moving together, or making space. By the way, this was all done in silence. There was a half way point to stop and reflect, and after first thinking it was just a way of prolonging the exercise, I decided that maybe there would be some value in stopping, at least maybe its good to stop whatever you're doing from time-to-time to think about things. I didn't know what I was really supposed to think about, so instead looked at the stained glass windows of the crucifixion that were in that end of the room. I really found it hard to pray about anything, the experience was so foreign, and there was so much going through my mind. I think the whole thing did probably take about an hour, and there was a certain pleasure in doing it, it was actually a very peaceful exercise. We later talked about it, and it was interesting how it can be used as a picture of our individual spiritual journeys. Like we know we're all on some path together, but its really difficult to compare and see who's in front or behind, and, sometimes people walk with you, and then one of you goes a different way, or someone comes the other way when you aren't expecting it and you have to sort out how to deal with it, how to still stay on your path and keep them on theirs. I think you could spiritualise it a lot if you wanted.
After that we went back to the original room and were given paint, paper, collage stuff etc. just to respond with. Here's a pic of what I came up with...
I found it hard because we weren't told anything about making the art. There was no guidance and I think I'd expected a lot more teaching/instruction. We then got together in pairs to talk about how the morning had been, then reflect on our work while Carol read another meditation about 'the stone the builders rejected'. Then we ate lunch. I realised talking to one of the ladies, that for me the whole day had been a series of contrasts eg. excitement/expectation of going, with the disappointment of the journey, and location, the reality of what the day was. The chaos of my mind with the peace of the labyrinth. The compulsion to stay in the lines with the freedom to walk right across them. The anxiety and discomfort of being physically so close to strangers with the sense of togetherness and unity of being part of the same thing. The expectation of being told what to do with the freedom to do what you pleased. I could go on but I think you get the idea. I'm sure all these things happen in normal life, but they just seemed more concentrated in one day and what came across through it all was a deep sense of peace. It was like an OK-ness at just not having any answers or things worked out.In the afternoon Carol talked about making spaces in our lives, taking breaks and days off and holidays etc. and read a meditation about how we need the spaces. She then talked about negative spaces in art (the areas around/between the subjects of a painting) and how without them the subject doesn't exist. She then showed us slides of artworks while reading the same meditation. We were then given time again to respond with our own art. Here are mine...
We talked again in pairs, reflected on the work again and Carol finished with a blessing.
All in all not really what I was expecting and maybe not what I would have chosen if I'd known before. Interesting though, although I was quite disappointed that there wasn't more direction for the art ( I guess I was expecting a lesson) and there was no discussion about what other people had produced (I understand it's cos there's no right or wrong though, it was a response which people can't really criticise). It was probably also the reason why I didn't attribute any value to my stuff and chucked it in the bin! I had also really had a hard time concentrating on God and praying, which I'm guessing was the purpose of the thing.
I had been a bit put off with the college though and wondered if I should actually go to the interview. But, after a bit of thought and some conversations with some of you good people, I decided I should go and ask the questions I had, meet the course leader and at least it wouldn't leave me wondering what might have been.
2 comments:
Hey brova,
sounds like a quite interesting adventure. Some of it was really funny, but thinking back i really am excited by your discomfort.? The way that you have been analyzing your uncomfortable position is very inspiring. Thanks for the great documentation of yer life!
fascinating... hilarious... curious... I think more people in the group MUST have felt what you did that day. I know that I would have probably responded in exactly the same way and with the same thinking. I know because I've been in very similar circumstances before. so often in fact that now I find some sort of secret pleasure in the awkwardness of it all and the knowledge that it makes a great story:D
Oh Michael, I do pray that god makes clear his will for you - and maybe you could return the favour :D ??
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